Flippin Stupid Parents

I got into NICU nursing because I was a NICU parent at one time. I am one of the most caring for the parents nurses in our unit. I really am. I understand the complete fear and lack of control you feel when your child is laying there and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. So I try really hard to be over the top awesome to the parents in our unit.

However, there are some uberly stupid parents out there.

First time father whose full term baby boy is in our unit because he was in major respiratory distress after delivery and required CPAP. He knows EVERYTHING.
NURSE: We'll be checking your son's bilirubin level tomorrow, let me explain what that is.
FATHER KNOW-IT-ALL: Oh I know all about that. I had 5 younger siblings.
NURSE: Ok, great, so you won't be worried if you come in next time and he is on some bili-lights.
FATHER KNOW-IT-ALL: No way, there is no way you are putting my son on any of that shit. He doesn't need it.
NURSE: Ok, maybe we should go over what this means...

Or...

NURSE: (making casual conversation) So what is it that you do for a living?
FATHER KNOW-IT-ALL: I'm an FBI agent, ex-pro football player, who protects us from the Chinese and Koreans.
NURSE: Oh, really? That's very interesting. How do you do that?
FATHER KNOW-IT-ALL: Oh, it is very involved. A lot more complicated that what you do for a living.

And then we get the awesome, mother's of the year whose children are there because they are withdrawing from the illicit drugs that she took while pregnant with them.

NURSE: We're going to be giving your child some medication because she is in pain. This will help her rest and calm down the withdrawal symptoms.
MOTHER-OF-THE-YEAR: Oh, hell no! You ain't giving my baby any drugs! You keep drugging her up and that's what is making her this way! And don't you even think about giving that damn vaccination. My baby isn't going to get any of those chemicals injected in her!

Sure... ok...

Makes me want to facepalm so hard.